Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
