Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
