I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
