I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
In America we eat man semen.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
