I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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