we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
