So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
