Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Randomize
