Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
