oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
