My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
