mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
