ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
