he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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