rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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