We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm like, not good at living.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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