8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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