I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
