you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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