and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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