I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Randomize
