my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
