Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
