help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
