Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
be right there i have to get my cape
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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