he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
