walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
