You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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