I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
