I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
