sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
