yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
