apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
