i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
