yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
