Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
