TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
you had me at cake vodka
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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