Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
