so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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