I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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