I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
