I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Well I just put wine in my tea
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
