you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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