I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
