Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
