Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
