Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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