I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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