I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Randomize
