Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
