she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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