Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
