Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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