Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Randomize
