Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
