oh god the rape fog is back!
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
