Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
So squirting runs in the family.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
