Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
